The rhythm of life

The rhythm of life is a powerful beat...
 I've a pretty sobering experience in the last few weeks.
People talk about a health crisis changing their outlook, their view on life, bringing into perspective what's really important and so on but you don't understand it really.

A chance blood pressure reading done by the GP about 3-4 weeks ago discovered critically, dangerously high blood pressure - and scored me an instant script for medication, a load of blood tests and a trip to a cardiologist!

I know from experiences during my pregnancies that hypertension carries various risks to other organs and can be dangerous, needs to come down etc. I know how important your heart is - and kidneys etc.
But I didn't realise just how fast things can go wrong.

The GP also detected a heart murmur which hadn't been there previously and so there was some question of how my heart was actually functioning. A very scary proposition.

The first lot of medication not only gave me an irritating cough but left me struggling through a brain fog and absolutely exhausted. When I wasn't resting I simply wasn't functioning - losing count during mixing formula for the younger two, forgetting what I went into a room to do, putting items in stupid places.
P got more and more tired doing T's feeds as I needed every minute of sleep I could get - and he got more and more worried about me. The housework fell further and further out of control.
And the blood pressure didn't come down enough either!

The tests slowly came through - kidneys okay, liver okay, various other bits okay - yay no serious damage done according to the bloods.
Meanwhile I felt sick, had horrible headaches and contemplated what the future held.
All the medical people were stressing how important it was my blood pressure came down and I feared for my future - and that of the kids.
Was I going to be around as they grew up?
How old were they going to be before I wound up leaving them?
It's simply not fair! I want to be a grandmother - watch them succeed as adults, make all this hard, hard work now worth it.
I'd be lying if there weren't tears shed in quiet, solitary moments.

The next medication we tried didn't leave me washed out - but still control over the blood pressure wasn't good enough. I felt fine until I did something normal like wash the kitchen floor - and wound up with a headache. My ability to function, to do MY job was still badly impaired.

And so the last lot of testing happened yesterday and I saw a cardiologist.

It is extremely sobering just how close things came - and I'm not out of the woods by a long long chalk.
High blood pressure can cause changes in your heart. The walls can thicken, making it harder and harder to pump, it empties less efficiently and then you are well on the way to heart failure, valve issues and so on. Heart failure can result in a very shortened life span. Many only have 10-15 years from diagnosis.

Testing yesterday showed that I'm borderline to having thickened walls. If that blood pressure had stayed up much longer I'd be riding that downwards cascade.
I'm only 39.
My eldest is just about to turn 14, youngest only 7. In 10-15 years even my eldest would still be younger than I am now, the youngest barely in his 20's. So much for grandmotherhood and enjoying my adult kids.

And so now I'm on 2 different strong medications to force my blood pressure down as it was still way to high yesterday. While my cholesterol wasn't too bad, okayish for a 'normal' person - as the cardiologist said yesterday I'm not a normal person any more. So I have to take medication to get that down and keep it down too, trying dietary adaptions won't be quick enough or significant enough.
And yes, exercise and losing weight are important too.

While family history has a significant part to play in this mess the major cause of this is considered to be stress - long term, unrelenting stress over caring for the kids and all the challenges they face.
That's not something anyone can fix - and so I have to rely on the medication.

Hopefully my blood pressure will respond to this combination of medications - but it needs to do it quickly or the condition of my heart won't be borderline any more.

It is simply horrifying to think that this has blown up in the past year, that if I hadn't had that chance blood pressure reading I could be looking at a very limited life span now.
Hypertension is called the silent killer for very good reason. We all think about heart attack and stroke but it can do so much more. I still need to see my rheumatologist to see if my arthritis medication needs juggling around the cardiac meds, and probably get my eyes checked to be sure no damage has occurred there because I've had some quirky things happening there too for a little while that I thought I'd deal to some time. Now it needs looking at sooner rather than later.

This has been an incredibly scary time.
It still is really.
You do look at what's important, who and where are your friends when things like this happen.
Due to the constant contact nature of today's world it can be easy to flip a supportive message to someone without thinking about it too much. But what's been interesting, and heartening through this are the numbers from overseas who, yes can't do much, but have bothered to make contact and continue to ask after me, follow up on what happened at various appointments and so on. The few local friends who have done so are even more so significant and important.
I know I've been short tempered with some people through this - fear, splitting headaches and extreme fatigue will do that to you. But it's been interesting to see who has responded with an 'are you okay' message - and those who have simply carried on their merry way, in some cases even being more critical and finding fault with things I say - even when trying to support others but not succeeding too well.

I want to be here for a long time to come. I want to be here for my children - and their children.
I very nearly lost that opportunity recently - and it's still not going to be plain sailing for some time to come.
So life is going to have to have some changes round here - for the very few things I can try.
I knew that high blood pressure was dangerous but I didn't know how fast it can cause major major problems.
So people out there - go get yours checked. Do it for yourself, do it for your kids, your family.
Just do it! You may discover that your life actually hangs on it.