Navel gazing - or THAT time of year again...

And so how many of you actually make New Year's Resolutions?
And more significantly how many actually manage to keep them?

Looking back on 2010 I realised that in fact we leave behind a whole decade tomorrow.
What a decade it's been!

I've had 2 children in the past decade, run the gauntlet of multiple health problems with them all, had special needs diagnosed in all of them and technically got them all to school age!
At least 2 of them have had a crack at dying but we've managed to pull them back, we've had 6 surgeries - soon to be 7 and I've developed my own filing system to keep all the medical info straight and things progressing.

The kids have lost 4 great grandparents, 2 great uncles and 2 cousins.

2 cousins have also been born in that decade.

It's been an amazing, frustrating, scary, wonderful, full on decade.
I've learnt and changed so much from a mum of one little 18 month old to where I am now. My parenting, management skills, medical skills have changed out of sight.
The path we have walked has been mindblowing.

And so I also look back on this current year just ending.
2005 was not a kind year to us with so many issues with T.

2009 started and ended with surgery for kids.

2010 started well and I went into it positively and hopefully.
My own resolutions of 2010 being the year where we got T off the pump and N eating as well looked reasonable aspirations. We had the medical support people in place, we were finally totally reflux free thanks to W's surgery in Dec 2009.

And the pressures just grew and grew.

Late April/early May T started to have his eating difficulties and by July he was seeing the surgeon again.
July we started this, by now completely ridiculous, litany of deaths.
Other family pressures grew and grew.
T continued to deteriorate and N started circling the drain as well.
W has had a few issues but nothing major really - thank heavens for that or some of my parenting confidence would have been significantly shaken!

And so where am I on my New Year's Resolutions for 2010?

Well, far from having his "Bye Bye pump party" T is totally dependent and the freedom from home and his blossoming energy levels that we enjoyed for a year have vanished.

Far from having N eating normally and being free from those wretched purple Fortisip lids which pop up everywhere and those plastic straw wrappers which embed themselves in my washing machine, stick to people's feet and travel the length and breadth of the house we are now at the point of surgery to put a tube in.
So epic fail on those two aims!

There were the standard aims of losing weight - which I did only to put it back on with very late nights, sleep deprivation and chocolate cravings.

I also had the aim of putting the best of the kids' photos onto Flickr and setting up albums for each of them so you can find the pics quickly and easily. I have achieved about 1/3rd of that aim!

And so what are my aims and aspirations for 2011?

Fewer doctors would be a lovely start but exceedingly unlikely! So better not aim for that one!!

I do want to get all the pictures backed up. So that will continue.

By this time next year I do want to have made significant strides in N's eating.
I'm under no allusions that this is a very long term project and will probably take a couple of years to achieve. Even if it had gone according to plan with T we would only now, 2 years post op, be comfortable in taking the tube out I think.
But if we're taking this drastic step then we need to see movement.

By this time next year I want, no need, a diagnosis as to what's going on for T and a medical plan to get us back on track - and to be progressing down said track.
We have managed to maintain eating skills so far and certainly maintain interest and desire to eat so once he can, yet again do it without pain we shouldn't have too hard a road to regain the lost ground.

Personally - better health and finances would be good. I still lust after an ipad - would make things masses easier keeping the kids' medical records sorted, food diaries etc if I could do without clear files and paper records. But I'd like to be at the point where I lust after one because it's a cool thing to play with! Instead of lugging folders to specialist appts!

But most of all I want a happier year, fewer downs and more highs for my immediate and extended families.
2010 has been a roller coaster year to rival the NICU - calm and control is where I aim for 2011!

Wishing you all a merry go round year rather than a roller coaster!