Does parental expertise get recognition by professionals?

Well, I wonder...

This wee musing has been sparked off by a combination of life events and discussions elsewhere in my universe.

 I was talking to someone recently who described a child well settled in good routines and the book the mother had used to help this along. I commented she was really lucky she had a child which actually came with a manual! Certainly none of mine ever followed ANY kind of child wrangling manual.
Then I was watching Super Nanny last night - something I rarely do as I wind up yelling at the tv and wishing they'd put together a programme of all the out-takes and the families who were rejected from the program because they were too hard...
Anyway - it struck me that there was obvious (this is a tv program after all) recognition of where the parents' skills were at, what caused them to get there and what the kids' histories and needs were - just a 'one-size-fits-all naughty chair approach'.

We've had some interesting discussions lately with N's psych about his eating and how to tackle it - she and W's therapist who has been helping were heading off on a track which we didn't feel was appropriate for the child, family or the actual issues in the situation, and so had to write a careful letter saying so and re-directing the track. We finished up the letter stressing the need for teamwork, that we need her psych training and skills but we need to combine it with our specialist knowledge of our particular flavour of child, their history and factors coming into play, and also our prior experience of having dealt with feeding problems for nearly 12 years over 3 kids, 2 of whom are now eaters.

She is happy to work with us and has dropped the path she was going down but still, there is no overt recognition that we've actually managed to 'fix' two kids ourselves and so actually know a thing or two about approaches to feeding issues. Of course, whether you actually count T as a success yet is probably a moot point as he is still using the tube to a significant degree and the results of a recent trial off were a spectacular flop - but it's a night and day experience with him now compared to even 6 months ago so we are making continual progress.

One of the things that the first psych did that really made an impression on me was telling us how well we'd managed with all the situations we've been thrown into. T's Speech therapist said the last time he was here that he never underestimates parental assessment and knowledge because the parents know the kid best.

I've had my ingenuity in problemsolving recognised from time to time by a professional but really it's usually a kids of 'All kids do...' from specialists and no acknowledgment when I say been there, done that, y happened not x. No one knows the true flavour of your kid like the parent, not even a teacher when they are off at school - because we see the tears, tantrums and stresses resulting from the school day that they don't - home is safe to do that, school isn't! The spelling test mark often doesn't show the true picture of the struggles to get there.

I knew the latest experiment with T was going to crash and burn but we did it anyway. I know from experience that you can starve any of my kids into eating and you have been able to. Apart from that T seems to have this weird situation where he has to eat a certain amount first otherwise he just can't/won't eat at all. Like if there isn't quite enough fuel in the engine then the whole engine seizes and stops. Just won't go any more. Not even for something so 'instinctive' as eating. The specialist's response was along the lines of 'you want him off the tube don't you?'

That response ignores not only past parental experience and knowledge of my flavour of child but also of the path we have travelled so far. Yes, absolutely we want him off the tube - so does he. But we have had such a long, hard and nerve shattering journey to get to this point that we are also happy to be guided by the child and take our time rather than rush, push, possibly create negatives which needn't have been there - and go back to the same old fight we've left behind - all to keep a specialist happy.
And again - you can't tell me that upping the emotional stress around food, going back to counting each bite and all that coaxing, encouraging and later yelling and drama doesn't cause problems - because W and N have been and are travelling that particular route.

People talk of a team of specialists and usually list several '-ologists' or '-ian' as part of that team. We have a team of a GP and a therapist of some branch for W.
We have a GP, paediatrician, dietician and psychologist for N.
We have a GP, paediatrician, dietician and Speech therapist for T.
Where are the parents in the list? What standing do they get given in all the considerations? What about their 'years' for training in this specific child?
When I do a contact list for one of the kids and list all the people involved in that kid's care and their contact details I always put OUR contact details at the top.
Parents get left out of the loop, their input and experience disregarded, yet when it really comes down to it - the doctors and specialists left, the kid ages out of their care, the specific problem is 'fixed' and the kid is discharged. Where is the line where the parent gets to sign off?
We carry the consequences for the child and for ourselves for ever. Our role is one that changes but the child never 'ages out' of our specialist care.

I regard myself as a professional mother.
That IS my job.
I have the skills, experience and ability to fulfill my part of the team.
Can the team let me in as a full professional too?