Impending doom - or here we go again...

Why do I feel like I been here before?
I didn't want to be here then and I certainly don't want to be here again.
Same junk different kid...

I could just sit and scream, I could throw a dozy of a two-year old tantrum - heaven only knows I've seen enough of those in my time, I could kick against an imaginary locked door in frustration.

But no, I'll have a wee cry, take a deep breath, plaster on another smile and jump back into the pool again.
Why?
Because I have to. There is no other choice. You can't give up, not on one of your kids and not on something as important as eating.

Yes, same junk, different kid.
I had thought we might have finally cracked a support network who actually knew something and might be able to help N. Thanks to a therapist working with W referring us on because of N's ADHD we got in to see a psych specialising in ADHD.
Initially it was help with behavioural aspects and while that was very welcome we all came very rapidly to the opinion that when N eats his behaviour is much more settled. When he DOESN'T he is scattered, hyperactive, oppositional and extremely difficult to manage. The overwrought and underfed tantrums can be dangerous to him and others around him. His unpredictable behaviour also poses a safety risk to him and those around him.

And so the psych started talking to another psych in the office, one who specialised in eating issues in kids.
Between the specialist eating experience and the specialist ADHD experience I thought we had the Dream Team in place. Maybe, just maybe I could think of my New Year's Resolution/hope of having both the younger two eating enough and properly to sustain themselves without supplements by year's end, actually happening!

But today that light appears to be yet another on-coming train.
Remember how many times this has happened over so many years and in so many different ways with all the kids.

The ADHD psych is leaving - in 3 weeks.
We've only had our second session on eating with her today.
We'd had a number of other sessions with her and she meshed really well with our parenting outlook, N looks forward to her visits, and finally meeting someone who understood how Mr Million Miles an Hour actually works was simply magic - incredible and I've learnt a lot. Things she said, expressed and expected as outcomes or responses were just so perfectly 'N' it was like she was in his head.
She was going to talk to the paed and GP about baselines or growth and when do we look at supplemental options. She was prepared to be the go-between and keep all people on the right page.

And now we've lost it all.

She's referring us on, we're not totally out in the cold. She's going to do a full handover and we'll meet the new person at least once before she leaves. But the new person is a general psych, not an ADHD specialist.
And the new person works in a different office so not with the one who deals with feeding issues.
I would be seriously surprised - but delighted - if this new one was prepared to take on management with the varying people.

Our lovely psych recognises this isn't going to be a quick fix of a couple of sessions, that this is long term, on-going and we need continuing and consistent support. She is going to make sure this one comes to our home so we're not messing round all the time.

But the standard strategies haven't worked with N over many years and I seriously fear that without that combined specialist knowledge we're never going to get anywhere with N.

And the train draws closer - again.

Just to add to the sense of impending doom - the funding is being changed around N's high calorie supplement in July. The replacement product is one I know, through past efforts, that he won't drink.

Where is this train wreck heading?