Just a mum?

Thoughts which percolate frequently round my head and have come to the forefront as I vacuumed the floor - amazing when you find a moment to think!

I had a slightly flippant conversation with someone recently about the amount of exercise you should have each day. We all know the 30 mins a day thing but some new research came out saying that in fact that does nothing for most in terms of weight loss and you'd be better off just watching what you eat. Anyway his comment was "You spend too much time reading the internet, don't believe everything you see on Wikipaedia." The implication, not stated, but implied and stated in the past from this person is along the line of mums at home = brain atrophy. Exaggeration but we all know the public perception.

Just as a starting point I DON'T use Wikipaedia -I'm fully aware that anyone can add anything to that and it's NOT a reliable source of information. I won't even let the kids use it.

But I've been thinking again (see, got to be sure that brain doesn't atrophy after all!) and the perception that mothers in general, but mothers at home in particular, loose some edge, some brain power and certainly loose regard and aren't taken as seriously really bugs.
Rather than getting mad - and vacuuming harder to get the playdoh out - I was wondering why and where this perception has come from.

Is it in part a social overhang, from the days when women did fairly minor jobs, marking time until they got married, had kids and dropped out of the working world?
Yes, probably.

But I wonder how much of it is because of the perceived lack of importance of raising children. See, I don't say child care or even caring for children. I, we, are raising the next generation of citizens. These kids, a perceived waste of our time are actually going to pay your superannuation people, with their work and taxes. There is an economic value to these little units - if you have to reduce it down to that. And so raising them well, so they produce returns not cost (health, prisons etc) should be valued.

So why isn't it?
Maybe people feel uncomfortable about regarding actual human beings as economic units.
But aren't we doing that already in health (deciding who gets what care when) , in education (EFTS), social welfare (deciding on amounts that someone can manage on in terms of a benefit)?
Why not put a value on parenting, on what good, hands on parenting can add to our little units?
If we can contemplate performance pay for teachers why not at least say - to be an available parent to your child it costs you $x on average. So in recognition of that we'll contribute $y.

But we, as mothers (and fathers who stay at home with their children) put ourselves down and don't value ourselves either.
Oh, I'm just a mother, Mummybrain, I'm barely functioning etc.

Caring for children and most often doing it in conjunction with running a household is an intricate dance with many many skills required. Often, especially in the early days of a child's life we are expected to do it on very little sleep - hence the Mummybrain and so on.
In fact most people would NEVER be expected to do any of these complicated tasks on so few hours sleep - and we put ourselves down for forgetting 2 out of 20 items at the supermarket.

On my own case, and what's sparked this off really, was considering what I actually do do within each day and each week. Do I use my brain? Am I just sheltering from the world and vegetating?
Do I actually deserve the scorn which is so often poured down - and like many stay at home mothers - some of that scorn is poured from working mothers who are regarded as more productive economic units than those of us at home.

So - I do use my critical thinking skills - evaluating not only the day to day nutrition of my household, but also in my own particular case - evaluating advice, information and plotting the path forwards for each of my little units.
We all do this with our kids but with kids like mine it's a more involved path.

My conversation partner at the top of this suggested I was reading the most easily accessible information available without evaluating where it had come from.
Those of us with more complicated little units don't find the information easily at hand to help them. Depending on what's going on at the time I spend a certain amount of time each week reading, evaluating and researching. I consider where information has come from and how reliable it is. Recent extensive research has centred around long term outcomes for the kids' surgery, long term side effects of some of their medication and the outcomes from the kind of speech therapy T is currently receiving.
Always on-going research is on the topics of Asperger's, ADHD and feeding programs and approaches for feeding difficulties. I get brief updates from the NEJM, medscape is a web link in my bookmarks. If I google a specific topic it's usually through Google Scholar.

And why do we have to put these kinds of hours in? In part because we're regarded as 'just mums at home'. We get patted on the head and told this is the best way to approach our child's issue, or told (as I was about 6 months ago) that there are no long term side effects for children on a particular medication, only for adults. Um, yeah, my brain's not that far gone that I believe that one!

I co-ordinate appointments with at least 2 different professionals on a weekly basis, I keep records of where we're at and who said they'd do what for which kid. I monitor medical supplies (as well as coffee) and ensure we don't run out. I continue to ward off issues related to Asperger's, I try and mitigate the effects and interpret the world to W. Most importantly I try to teach him how I know these things so that one day I might do myself mostly out of a job.
I do speech therapy sessions - not just in set moments - but also monitoring and re-directing speech on a constant basis. I monitor, re-direct and teach compensatory tactics for the effects of ADHD. This is in addition to all the normal, intricate balances of running a household and raising my children.

I am a professional mother.

It's time being a mother was regarded as a profession not 'just a mother'.

Let's ask - and expect - to be treated in the same way as another professional would be.
Next time you are asked what do you do let's be proud of our occupations. We are professional mothers nurturing, raising and adding infinate amounts of 'added value' our the next generation.

A Reflux-free household?

Does such a thing exist?
I've not lived in one for over 11 years. Can this mythical being be true? Do I dare hope?

We are counting down to W's surgery - 14 days to go.
I'm both looking forward and dreading it in the same moment. I loathe loathe loathe taking the kids in for this kind of thing. It's the total antithesis of parenting, to take your child somewhere and allow them to inflict pain on them - but it's short term and when you see W in the midst of a reflux episode you know it just absolutely has to be done.

I hate the fact that all 3 kids have suffered so badly from the demon reflux that all 3 have needed surgery. Why us? Why them?
I am actually going to ask the surgeon at W's follow up appointment if he has any idea why - he's seen more of the kids than I have, is there something under developed, some muscle which is smaller, weaker whatever than expected.
There must be a reason other than total crap luck, possibly genetics and the effects of prematurity for 100% of our kids to need surgery to stop the reflux.

I have total confidence in our wonderful and caring surgeon - I certainly wouldn't have brought T to him after N's surgery, or W if I had any concerns, this guy's manner is fantastic.

I have confidence in MY ability to guide W'S recovery and know what's normal and what's not - I wouldn't be doing this so close to Christmas and our summer holidays otherwise.

I know W's in a much better position healthwise than T was before his surgery and that it'll be much easier than T with his tube etc.

But I also know W is going to need more TLC and alert watchfulness than N did. W is going to find this very hard emotionally going into it all and he doesn't have the skills to be aware of it let alone express it and ask for help. He doesn't show pain like other people do and it's going to take a fair bit of watchfulness and persuasion on my part to ensure things aren't unrecognised on that front.
So there are other challenges involved in this surgery.

I'm also extremely hopeful that this surgery will be the end of W's cardiac issues and his snoring. If not we're back on the treadmill - an ENT for the snoring and back to the drawing board for the cardiologist. I'm 99% sure myself that that's the root cause but that 1% just keeps niggling - can it be that simple? I know that reflux is the square root of all evil - but this is my family we're talking about - things are never simple!